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I'm not really sure whats on my mind. Why the fuck am I blogging on this? I think it's because I don't want many people to read what I have to say. It's been so long since I've even logged into Xanga. The last time I posted, was when Em was 9 months old. She's 19 months old now. She talks, she walks, she eats solid foods....she gets into every single thing that she can reach. She is currently in my purse.
I fell at work, nearly a month ago and landed on my arm. It still hurts right now, and will probably continue to hurt for at least another month. I start physical therapy next week. Its killing me that I can't take anything right now to make the pain stop. I have to take care of Em.
I broke up with Tim. Tim thinks that I'm the worst person in the world because I broke his heart. I just couldn't do it anymore. I was tired of pretending that I was happy. I couldn't stand being in a relationship where I was being verbally abused all the time when we fought. It's not healthy for me to be in, and it certainly isn't healthy to have Em around. I thought maybe we could still be friends, but now that things are progressing, I really don't think that we can. At least not for a while.
I have a new boyfriend, named Dave. He's everything that I could want right now. He doesn't live in the city anymore, he moved to a different town. He lives an hour-ish away from me, which I think is good. We don't spend every waking second with each other, so we don't get tired of spending time together. There ARE times where I miss him, though. His schedule is weird, so they can't give him guaranteed days off or anything like that. His schedule changes every week. I enjoy spending time with him. It isn't because he's Canadian, it isn't because his family lives in England at the moment, it isn't because he's rich or poor or fat or skinny. I like him because he likes me for me, and not for some superficial reason. I realize and understand that I'm not the prettiest or skinniest girl around, but when I'm with him, I feel like I am beautiful.
A recent realization I've come to is that I don't have very many good friends. The friends I have, I can't hang out with at all times. There are people that would call themselves my friends, but in reality, they only talk to me when it's convenient. I'm sorta sick of them using me for that, to be honest. I don't want to work extra hours for you, because you were nice to me one day. I don't want to buy you dinner, because you called me last week. I think if a friend is true, they'll make more of an effort to spend time with you.
I have a different job than when I last wrote, but it doesn't matter. I hate it. I know I used to bitch and complain about how awful the mall was, but that was paradise in comparison to this. I get paid crap, and then I don't get the days off that I want. It's a really miserable job. Right now, I can't work until further notice, because of my arm, but I am miserable when I'm working and I hate getting up for work. I've never been this unhappy. I love the clients that I work with, I really do. They're amazing, and it's nice to see how much they change, but it's not worth it to be so unhappy.
I don't really have a point to writing this. I just needed to get my thoughts and feelings out. It's not even helping, to be honest. I'm just going to hope that I can get my mind cleared and find what makes me happy.
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| It's been forever since I've actually written in this thing. Crap. I guess I fail as a blogger, and also at life. My heart hurts today. Pretty bad, actually. I'm not really sure why, but I think that the heart thing is going to need to get taken care of SOON or else things are just gonna get progressively worse and worse. :( Lord knows I don't need to be a 20 something year old worried about dying of a heart attack or something. Uhg. Especially with a kid. So, Em's now 9 months old and into anything and everything. She crawls all over and pulls herself up on stuff. Soon she's going to be walking, I can just tell. I'm so proud of her. I can't wait until she starts to talk more and we can communicate a little better. I'm gonna hang out with Bobbi Jo and Josh sometime this week. It's nice to hang out with my friends that have kids too, because she can sorta understand the drama that goes on wiht having a screaming child. Plus, Bobbi Jo has gone through a lot, and it kinda helps for both of us to be able to vent to one another Work is dull. Nate is decent to work with. He's funny, which I love, but he listens to country music. And that should not be allowed. Anywhere. Gross. Haha. I pierced my eyebrow on friday. I'm pretty happy with it. I know that if the boss man finds out, I'll get the ass chewing of a lifetime, but hopefully by the time I see him next, I'll have a clear thingy put in, so he can barely see it at all. It's cute. :) I don't really feel like writing a novel like I usually do on my blog. I have a lot of other things that are on my mind right now. Sorry. <3 | | |
| It's Valentine's day. I'm not really a fan. People make such a big deal about a holiday that is ridiculous. This V-day, my heart is broken. Literally. Well, I'm not exactly positive about that just yet, but yeah, it's bad. I'm hooked up to a heart monitor. On tuesday night, I passed out in the shower and hit my head on the tub. I was more worried aobut the fact that I hit my head. At the ER, they were more concerned about why I randomly passed out. It hurts to breathe. :( Work is great now, because there's about 100% less drama. It's kinda nice to come to work, and not dread it. Although, I haven't gotten a sale AT ALL this past week. It's been insanely slow. Hopefully it's going to pick up and I can get some on Saturday when I work. Otherwise, Justin's gonna be mad. And I don't really enjoy an angry Justin. Alisa and I are going to spend our Valentine's day together. I've decided she should cook for me. Yes. That would be pleasant. She deserves it. For being so smelly. Okay, not really. But I'm sure we'll have a good time, as always. It's taking me forever to type this blog. I'm not paying much attention, because I'm lazy and don't really care that much. I guess that's kinda what happens to me when my A.D.D. kicks in. So, that's the end of my blog for today, cuz I suck. The end! | | |
| Work is dull on Mondays. Seriously, it sucks. Who wants to come get a cell phone at 11 on a monday morning? Sure not me. The mall is a little busier than I thought it would be, but that's not even remotely busy enough for me to get something out. Mostly it's mall walkers and moms today. Not a customer in site. Unless you count the 14 year old boy that keeps walking by. He's got this emo hair cut and keeps flipping his bangs at me. That's ridiculous. Alex is gone in a week. YAY! I'm counting down the days. He needs to just get out of here and let me get back to having a happy drama free work life. There wasn't much drama before HE showed up. Uhg. I'm irritated by him. He'll be gone soon enough, and then I can celebrate. *does a happy dance* Emaline got up on her knees this morning and started to crawl. Just out of nowhere. Now what am I gonna do with her crawling all over the place?! It wasn't that much, but I can guarantee within the next day or two she'll get the hang of it and be into EVERYTHING. I'm taking her today to get a flu shot and such. I know she will NOT be happy with me for that. I always hate taking her to get stuff like that done, because they make me hold her legs down to do it and the look on her face is HORRIBLE. It's like she blames me entirely for her pain. My poor little girl. :( At least it'll make sure that she's not gonna get sick or anything. Hollister is almost open. They took down the thing wiht the picture of the boy's nipples. Now its the tiki hut looking thing. Soon they'll be playing their rave music and it'll smell like their yummy cologne. That is the only reason I EVER go into somewhere like that....just so I can smell it. Same thing with Abercrombie. The cologne just pulls me in and makes me wanna drool or something. Haha. Alltel closed down in the mall, and every time I look at their empty kiosk, I get a little bit of joy. They sent a LOT of business to us, and they wound up going out of business. Their kiosk had a lot of deactivations last month, and only got a few things sold. Not anyone signing up a new contract, either. That was probably the greatest thing to see. Take THAT alltel! So much for being the best, right? I win! I'm glad that I don't have the one guy staring at me all the time, and the other guy who is buying "chronic shit" from Alex. I'm glad to see them gone. More money for me! So, yesterday was the superbowl. I woke up from a nap at about 7:30 and was shocked to find out that it was already past half time. How did it go so quickly!? Not that I really care, because I didn't know who was playing in it until a few days before. Football and I aren't really that close. Not at all. Tonight, I'm going to eat at Chilis for dinner. :) On mondays they have this special for 10.99 where you get fajitas, a salad, and dessert. its an AWESOME deal. They make fun of me at Chilis when I go sometimes, cuz I get quesadillas for dinner and then order mashed potatoes for my side. I'm a potato loving girl. What can I say? I don't really know what else to type about. I just like to write my blog...so there ya have it! Until next time....6 more work days with alex left!! Weee! | | |
| Work is pretty dull today. Once again, it's snowing. Has been snowing a lot. It sucks hardcore. Snow is stupid. I wish I was in California like Aleesuh. She's enjoying sunshine and all the best things out there. Like delicious food. I'm stuck here with McDonalds. Whatever...my Mickey D's is actually pretty good. 100% worth pissing Justin off for the 10 minutes of bliss while I ate my fries and such. McDonald's has some pretty weird toys. I got a stuffed Teddy Bear that has a bottle that you can stick in his mouth. Maybe Ema will like it when she's a little older. I had a pretty good laugh this morning. I took Em to daycare this morning, and I saw a little boy that I know of named Andrew. He's my ex's (Sean) ex Katie's kid. Yeah. So Sean's ex's little boy. Anyway, I'm getting Ema's food out of the diaper bag, and Andrew points at me. I don't really think anything of it, until he says something. Now, I'm not good at translating little kid speak yet, but it REALLY sounded like he kept saying, "A monster! A monster!" I was trying not to laugh, but in the back of my head, I was wondering what the hell that kid was talking about, if he really was calling me a monster? Is that what I'm known as? I have no idea. It's not really that big of a deal, but I thought it was pretty hilarious. I am pretty scary to look at lately, with my brighter hair and my winter-wear. Who knows? Maybe I look like a monster with them on. Probably. Heath Ledger died yesterday. Woah. Not really something good. I heard that there's the really extreme church going to protest his funeral because he portrayed a gay cowboy in "Brokeback Mountain" Wtf? You know, I understand the freedom of speech thing, but that's just wrong. It's not like he was really gay or anything. Even if he was really gay, it would be awful to protest a funeral. Funerals are for mourning and remembering the person. Not for celebrating that they're dead and making it kinda like a "ha ha" type of situation. Jerks. I still miss my bestie. Why did she have to leave me? I have SO much to bitch to her about. It's not fair. It's boring here. I dunno what else to write about. So I guess I should go... The end, yo.
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